a) A detox.
b) A militaristic timetable and 500-point goal-oriented to-do list
c) Merrily shovelling the remnants of a holiday-size tin of Quality
Street in my mouth.
I’ve always felt life would be so much better if all the things you didn’t
do or change on 1st January were still up for grabs in March or
November with no guilt attached. Where you could be walking down the High
Street one Wednesday afternoon in say September, and stop dead and think, ‘I
want my life to be that, not this. And it’s gonna happen right now.’ Well
actually, it can be as simple as that. Let me tell you a story:
WOE WAS ME…
Three years ago I was very unhappy, which baffled me because things were
pretty good. I had a nice flat on the Northern Line, I’d met the guy I was
going to end up with, and had not long landed the job I’d been chasing for the
whole of my career. Life was pretty cushty. I mean, I was too busy and stressed with work to enjoy the
time I had with the people who really mattered, or do any of the things I
really loved doing, and I moped into my Weetabix every morning, and spent every
evening dreading the next day - but life was perfect, right?
SOMETHING TERRIBLE HAPPENEND…
My Dad began to die. He was 62 years old and it took one short, painful
year. But before he died, he gave me an utter gift – he told me that he wanted
to see me happy, and that if that meant making some pretty scary decisions, I
had to make them, and had to make them right now.
FOLLOWED BY SOMETHING INCREDIBLE…
And so I did. I jacked in the best-paid job I’d ever had, with nothing
else to go to, during a recession, with just enough money in the bank to pay
the next month’s rent. But if there’s one thing I’ve learnt in life: the scarier
the path you choose, the better the destination. And I didn’t wait until the
calendar flipped another year, or until the ‘perfect time,’ because now I knew there
was no such thing. I resigned there and then on an overcast day in September, safe
in the knowledge that on whichever journey I was about to embark, at least I
was holding the map.
So that’s it. The End.
Well, The Beginning really...
Because since then I’ve been self-employed, and putting food in the
fridge and pennies in my purse every month – it’s not been easy, but I’ve
nailed the basics. I’ve also had two years of breathing space and time to think
about where I really want to be in life, and most importantly, how I’m going to
get there. And that is what this blog is about.
So now that I’ve stopped panicking (mostly) about where the next job’s
coming from, figured out how to keep myself in steady supply of cheddar cheese
and Cadbury’s Creme Eggs, got over the shock of no longer working in an office
9-5, and actually started to enjoy life, I have decided to get cracking on a
few of the things I spend a lot of time talking about, but not actually doing. Like finishing a novel for one. I have a deadline, the word count is ticking, the
plot is thickening and I’m feeling good. Because what's that old saying? "It's not the destination that counts, it's the journey." And as long I'm enjoying that, I'll take all the blunders and false starts along the way with a spring in my step.
I'm a New Year Resolution type of girl. But you are right, you mustn't wait for a new year for a new you. Though I do think a new year is a good time to think about a new you. Anyway, well done for recognising that the life you thought you wanted may not be all it was cracked up to be. A scary leap into the unknown to take when everything SEEMS so good...
ReplyDeletePs. Love the masthead! And enjoy your ride!
ReplyDeleteInspirational Cate! Can't wait to read your next post... x
ReplyDeleteGoodly goodly!!!! Love both posts :) xN
ReplyDeleteThanks Nicole. :-) xx
ReplyDeleteUtterly beautiful. x
ReplyDelete